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The first girl, he said, was “a little too tall,” and the second girl was “a little too short.” Then he met my mom. Let’s look at how I do things, maybe with a slightly less important decision, like the time I had to pick where to eat dinner in Seattle when I was on tour last year.

He quickly deduced that she was the appropriate height (finally! First I texted four friends who travel and eat out a lot and whose judgment I trust. Finally I made my selection: Il Corvo, an Italian place that sounded amazing. (It only served lunch.) At that point I had run out of time because I had a show to do, so I ended up making a peanut-butter-and-banana sandwich on the bus.

The question nagged at me—not least because of my own experiences watching promising relationships peter out over text message—so I set out on a mission.

I read dozens of studies about love, how people connect and why they do or don’t stay together.

In fact, The Inner Circle currently has a 93,000 strong waiting list worldwide and the vast majority of those won’t gain access.

This is because the company has a strict policy on who gets to join, and they trawl a potential applicant’s Facebook and Linked In profiles to judge if they make the grade.

Most services also encourage members to add photos or videos to their profile.

The site invites anyone to apply, but to be approved you must be young, gorgeous, connected and successful.

Most services offer digital messaging, while others provide additional services such as webcasts, online chat, telephone chat (VOIP), and message boards.

Members can constrain their interactions to the online space, or they can arrange a date to meet in person.

Whether it’s where I’m eating, where I’m traveling or, God forbid, something I’m buying, like a lot of people in my generation—those in their 20s and 30s—I feel compelled to do a ton of research to make sure I’m getting every option and then making the best choice.

If this mentality pervades our decision­making in so many realms, is it also affecting how we choose a romantic partner?

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  1. monica bellucci dating 23-Feb-2017 12:39

    Comment: Given that I am approaching middle age, I have noticed more and more women, in my dating pool, are divorced or separated.